It feels like a never-ending story.
Kiddo would rise way before dawn. Run for our bed. Climb in and lie there.
My favorite time of the day.
Kiddo is slowly waking up while hubby-to-be is snoring the early morning away. I feel grateful, I feel lucky. I love my kiddo, my family, the whole world. Peace and quiet surround us.
Then, the inevitable dreaded moment comes. Kiddo will sit and say:
« I have to go to the bathroom. »
My jaws instantly clinched but I keep calm, get up and accompany kiddo, hoping with every cell of my being it will go smoothly. Like in the good old days… about three weeks ago.
Sit. Pee. Sing a little. Wipe. Flush. Leave.
Sounds like heavens, doesn’t it?
The Impact of Temper Tantrums on Creative Writing
I won’t go into the details of what happens next. No one needs to know how I once ended up cleaning the whole bathroom floor at 5 in the morning.
For sure, I’m not the only parent on Earth to live through those kinds of mornings.
The aftermaths of such mornings affect us parents, one way or another.
For some happy parents’ souls, the deep-down-anger vanishes as soon as the temper tantrum resumes itself.
Those awesome parents, who seem to exist mostly in mom and dad and non-binary parent blogs – no offense intended here, I thrive on those blogs – are able to put the temper tantrum aftermath away in a matter of seconds and go back to being happy, to feeling grateful and lucky.
Dear fellow writers, you probably guessed by now that I am NOT one of those parents. Far from it.
In fact, I more than often turned into Monster-Mama. Plenty of yelling then occurs.
After a while, yes, I calm down, kiddo calms down. We hug, we talk about what happened and we move on, trying our best to behave. Both of us!
Nevertheless, the mama-monster moments haunt me, so much so it becomes very hard to focus on work. The temper tantrums have a terrible, defeating impact on me and by extension on my capacity to be creative.
The words have trouble finding their way through the swirling chaos of emotions trapped in my brain. Kiddo’s face red with rage, sadness, anger; kiddo’s yelling, hitting, biting; me trying to not lose it and barely succeeding. It goes around and around. A never-ending temper tantrum recap.
Instead of focusing on the to-do list, I endlessly question my actions, trying to understand what triggers what, looking for ways to keep my cool, to keep it together in order to avoid seeing things escalating the next morning.
Although these days, it feels like nothing works. Nothing.
I swear to all the all-mighty big G’s up there, even when we agree to what kiddo ask, half the time, kiddo gets mad !!!
Just goes to show, no matter the amount of good-will we can muster, no matter the amount of time we carve out for writing, above it all, we’re parents.
That reality changes us, in big or small way, one way or another.
Tips to Bring Back the Creative in the Writing
I looked and found solutions to help me conquer the temper tantrum in a kind and loving way. It takes time, it takes discipline but it will happen.
Not aiming to become the perfect parent here. Like author Hunter Clarke-Fields writes in her Raising Good Humans book: « Aim for good enough ».
Until then, I trick myself into meeting my daily writing goals. Here’s what I do :
- Allowing myself a « write what you want » writing session (like rambling in a blog post!!!);
- Get my special occasion tea out and indulge with a big, big steamy mug;
- Read out loud what I’m working on. It’s a bit weird but it gets the writing sparkles glowing!
- Work on the current writing project backstories
- Last resort: proofreading. Works like a charm… but dang, I really dislike it.
Temper Tantrums One Day Will Be But Memories
Kiddo is a smart, bright, funny little one, full of love and imagination. Kiddo is also learning that the world cannot be shape every way we want, learning to manage big emotions.
Soon enough, temper tantrums will be but a distant memory. Right now, I can’t picture the day when hubby-to-be and I will laugh about those times, but it will happen.
Meanwhile, let’s have another big, big mug of tea and write an almost-kissing scene. Because, that too works like a charm.
Fellow writers, thank you for taking the time to read this long mama-writer rambling.
Until next time, may all the good words be with you !